Vacuuming my brain
Sharing small tweaks and easy new habits that helped me in 2024, because goal-setting always feels like a set-up to me, and who wants to read anybody else's resolutions anyway
I’m not going to share my resolutions, because I don’t see how that would be interesting or helpful to anybody, BUT I would love to share a new (to me) method that changed the game for me all of last year! It involves breaking down each goal emotionally, writing down all of my fears and mental blocks related to it, and then refuting every single one with a red pen. Finally, I’ll wrap things up by sharing some small, easy habits and changes I made last year that I found helpful, like learning how to mute “related posts” in my Instagram feed.
Hope you enjoy, and happy new year ¨̮
Similar to how I have never thrived off of tough-love coaches, teachers or other authority figures, I’ve always internalized New Year’s resolutions as punishing, driven on negative reinforcement. I honestly wish that I had a healthier relationship to goal-setting, that I had more of that innate drive to compete with and push myself; I’m incredibly drawn to people that do.
I try every single year. I’ve engaged with the literature on habit-forming science, self-discipline hacks and SMART goals. I’ve done bullet journaling™, passion planner™, white board calendars, annual planners, iPhone apps, etc. When I try to come up with really bite-sized, tangible goals like “write 5 minutes a day” or “go to yoga twice a week”, or even “set new small goals at the beginning of each week or month”, it feels like I am setting myself up for failure, and I become discouraged quickly, especially if I don’t hit an easy goal I’ve set for myself.
Last year (as in Jan. 2024), I came up with a different approach. (And by “came up with,” I mean I discovered an approach that works for me… I’m sure it’s been widely used by many people.)
I asked myself why goal-setting hasn’t worked for me the way I’ve wanted it to in the past, and how could I make it more successful? Historically, what motivates me? When do I feel excited? And what discourages me?
The answer was suddenly quite obvious… I am motivated so much more by feelings and relationships than I am by deadlines and numbers. I’ll always work hard when I have teammates to be accountable to or a positive emotional reward waiting for me. Therefore, my goals should be set up in a way that innately encourages me to keep going rather than threatens me to hit certain benchmarks. My productivity is best encouraged by cheering myself on, visualizing the positivity of what I’m working towards, and also acknowledging and processing the emotional hurdles along the way.
To set the tone, on New Year’s day I bought an expensive, high quality notebook with thick pages. I think it might actually be a sketchbook, intended for artists or serious professionals. I also bought a fancy pack of pens in fun colors. Then I gave myself permission to use them for EVERYTHING. I decided that my one master journal and pen set was going to always stay in a bag with me. I could use it for journaling, grocery lists, weekly planner work, lyrics, doodles, and in songwriting sessions. I got something so pretty and fun to use that it would encourage me to want to fill up the pages, to optimistically invite me to create and plan and dream. Much like a writer makes her desk clean and workspace pleasing, the actual pen and pages were there to invite me in from the jump.
Then I took my journal to Malibu, where Sarah and I typically spend New Year’s day, setting goals while looking out at the water from the cliffs. I had a mental list of a few things I wanted to accomplish in the upcoming year — some related to creative projects, others to health & fitness and finances.
But here is where my revelatory new method begins! Instead of making a list of things I could do each day, week or month to move further towards these goals, I drew a line in the middle of the page with my fancy new pen. On the left hand side, I wrote out every single fear and mental block that was popping up as I thought of that goal. I tried to indulge in my most honest thoughts, even the ones that seemed pointless or embarrassing to write on the page. Next, I took a red pen and refuted every single bullet point on the right side of the page. Finally, I wrote what excited me about the goal, why I have faith that I will be able to do it, and why I am uniquely capable of achieving the exact thing that I want to accomplish.
What I now know to be true is that distilling a goal down to numbers and benchmarks without doing any emotional analysis actually adds stress and resentment, because I’m burying all of the feelings that go along with it. There are all kinds of complicated barriers that go hand-in-hand with all of our hopes and dreams. The more that I can untether from fear and anxiety and chase curiosity and positivity, the more likely I am to run toward something rather than away from it. Much in the way I respond better to a coach telling me I made our team proud than by being screamed at from the sidelines, I am so much more motivated by positive reinforcement.
As promised above, I am not going to tell you about my resolutions, because who would want to read that, and also I don’t do it that way anymore! Instead, I’ll share with you a few “life hacks” (ughhhh), products and positive-habit-y things that I’ve picked up this year in case you find them inspiring.
Snooze Suggested Posts in Feed: I discovered a way to make Instagram more enjoyable and less of a toxic, time-leeching addiction!! We’ve all watched the evolution of these social apps as they’ve morphed into digital malls and content-churning beasts. It’s gotten to the point that they’re not even that fun to be on — I hate seeing random stuff in my news feed from people I don’t follow and being advertised products and people at every turn, and I’m nostalgic for the early millennial days of only seeing posts from people I follow. I never want to watch another video against my will ever again, but I don’t want to delete Instagram because I love to see what my friends and para-social friends and favorite artists are up to… Turns out there is a setting that snoozes suggested posts in your feed for 30 days at a time. Of course, you can’t turn this feature off completely, because how else are they going to keep up the insatiable content demands that define their very business model? And of course, you still will be bombarded with paid ads because $$$. But if you go to settings, scroll down to “content preferences” and hit “snooze suggested posts in feed”, you will temporarily be shielded from the trappings of suggested posts.
Composting: We really all should be doing the bare minimum for our planet and species, which includes composting. In Los Angeles and probably most of California and probably a lot of other places too, you can put food waste in the green bin (in fact, you may even be legally required to!). I’ve been saying for so long that I need to start composting soon, and a few weeks ago I was like “okay, this starts tomorrow, biatch. No need to wait for the new year or some other arbitrary starting point.” It’s really so embarrassingly easy. You just put a certain kind of trash in a different container. If you’re extra special, you can bring it to any farmer’s market and it will be composted locally, and then you can also I think get some soil back from them for your own garden? (Still figuring this out.) One common obstacle in getting people to compost is the smell, but it turns out all you have to do is keep your waste in the freezer until you get rid of it. My friend Sophie suggested this silicon bin for composting that stays in your freezer, but while you’re cooking you can hook it onto a cabinet or drawer to throw food waste in there. You can then take it straight outside to your green bin, or save all food waste in the freezer in brown paper bags (which are compostable) or compostable baggies until it’s time to bring them to the farmer’s market. Easy! Kisses to beautiful mother earth 😘
Jenn Eats Good: This woman Jenn creates $55/week grocery lists that make about 20 servings (5 meals). They are often dairy free and gluten free for all you allergy girlies out there. She combines ingredients across recipes so you can easily plan for a week at a time and not have odd extra items leftover, saving money and food waste. Sarah and I tried doing her weekly grocery lists for a month and I’m not exaggerating when I say we reduced our monthly spending (groceries and eating out combo) by more than half. Jenn is on Substack and Instagram. Here is a week you can look at as an example! Can’t wait to do more of this in the new year.
Delete ball game: I have never been a true gamer, but I have always had a pension for two-dimensional, arcade-style games. Humbly, I am a monster at games like Pac-man and Tetris and Snake. A few years ago, I got a little ball shooting game called BB Tan (??) on my phone, and there is not really a more fitting word than “addicted” to describe my relationship to this game. I rationalized it as something to do with my hands while chatting on the phone or watching TV. And then as my daily hours kept racking up on this app, I rationalized it as a well-deserved stress reliever. But when you allow yourself to be completely honest and observe your own behavior around things like this, it becomes clear that opening the app in almost every moment of stillness is an impulse, a temporary stress-relieving crutch that actually negatively impacts your life. The sheer resistance I felt to deleting it and losing my score (lol) became the reason to do so. The only game app I have left on my is the New York Times, and I am proud to say that I have improved SO much at crosswords! A few weeks ago, I solved my first Friday with no clues. Ideally, I wouldn’t need to replace mindless phone time with something else phone-related, but for now I feel good about engaging my brain with puzzles. It also requires more concentration, so I am less likely to use it while watching TV or talking to someone. Baby steps I guess, but let’s be kind to ourselves for doing anything to overcome the monstrous technology addictions foisted upon us.
Kitchen Sink Etiquette: I’ve always had little things about kitchen maintenance that drive me up the wall and make living with roommates excruciating, like refilling the Brita or maintaining a surplus of ice cubes. We moved into our current house a few years ago, and luckily have water and an ice-maker built into the fridge so that I can focus my energy obsessing on something new. And that something new is the sink! I personally don’t understand how people can justify leaving smelly food in the sink, but I get that doing dishes in a timely way is complicated. The sink in our current home is pretty flat, and food just sits there. But voila - I put a squeegee on a hook, and scrape food into the drain and rinse the base of the sink every time I use it so that I don’t have to live like a monster. I also got this rollable dish drying rack so that washing and drying dishes doesn’t take up all of my limited counter space, and when they’re put away I can reset to a clean countertop and kitchen like God intended.
The Alphabet Game: When I can’t fall asleep at night, I have a simple task to quiet my brain. It’s my version of quieting the monkey mind. Pick any category on earth, and come up with an answer for any letter. I usually fall asleep somewhere midway through the alphabet, although sometimes I play multiple rounds. Prompt examples include first names of people you know, band names, holidays, cities, book characters… the world is your oyster. You also have to be nice to yourself and allow skips, and you get double points for alliterations (eg. Backstreet Boys). (The points don’t mean anything, but you get a mental high five for thinking of one.)
That’s all from me for now! Thanks for sticking with me. As always, I’ll keep this Substack free, but feel free to subscribe to my blog or buy me a matcha ♡
Including a few iterations of dog while typing this post for your pleasure.
